It feels like there's a void in myself. I know what my goal is but it seems too... far away and if that goal isn't succeeded, what am I to do?
We must live in the moment and just do whatever on the spot. I need something to do. Something to look forward to everyday.
People I can turn to in excitement. Someone I look forward to seeing every day. Something I want to do everyday.
Sinking into this emptyness where my life is. yes yes... there are things in there. fascinating things. But, I', not doing much with them.
So, many secret wishes in my mind will never be fulfilled. So many wishes that in time will disappear. So many things I wish to do but just don't have the guts to initiate them.
What am I to do?
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
I know I'm not perfect
There will always be people who hate you. It's something we can't avoid. As someone once told me: "If everyone likes you, you would be president already"
It's annoying when you feel like people are conspiring behind your back. I used to think it's just paranoia. But time and time again, these paranoid thoughts become reality. It's like knowing a little bit of something that everyone knows everything about.
I should tell myself that, it doesn't matter. Just ignore it. or maybe, it's over, it's the past. But that's not particularly easy to do. The best way is to NOT think.
Block everything out or make yourself so busy that you don't have time to think.
The inside door should just be closed and exclusive. The outer lawn be easily assessible.
So, AM i paranoid? Either way, it's still a loss. People change ALL the time. Whom I used to think was mean is kind, was nice is evil, was good is bad, was harmless is highly dangerous.
Well, all this crap, came from somewhere in my head. Whether or not this makes sense, it makes sense to me.
It's annoying when you feel like people are conspiring behind your back. I used to think it's just paranoia. But time and time again, these paranoid thoughts become reality. It's like knowing a little bit of something that everyone knows everything about.
I should tell myself that, it doesn't matter. Just ignore it. or maybe, it's over, it's the past. But that's not particularly easy to do. The best way is to NOT think.
Block everything out or make yourself so busy that you don't have time to think.
The inside door should just be closed and exclusive. The outer lawn be easily assessible.
So, AM i paranoid? Either way, it's still a loss. People change ALL the time. Whom I used to think was mean is kind, was nice is evil, was good is bad, was harmless is highly dangerous.
Well, all this crap, came from somewhere in my head. Whether or not this makes sense, it makes sense to me.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Nice place to live in : Berlin
The life of a Berliner looks great to an outside eye
Great public transportation with buses, trains, taxis. ALso bicycles are everywhere.
You get to keep fit and cycle to anywhere with proper bike lanes. No pollution. The air is as fresh as ever.
Tickets for buses and trains are sold but there are no barriers. You are MEANT to buy them. They just conduct regular checks to make sure you buy them. otherwise, people are so honest.
The people are so polite too. They don't exactly smile at you like they've known you for centuries. They acknowledge you without creeping you out.
The roads and buildings are really really clean too. Great place to be
Oh, the weather. Oh.. yesh. great weather.
This is the type of city you'd imagine in your dreams. well, I guess if you wanna live there comfortably, my advice, LEARN GERMAN! :D
Auf Wiederschien :)
Great public transportation with buses, trains, taxis. ALso bicycles are everywhere.
You get to keep fit and cycle to anywhere with proper bike lanes. No pollution. The air is as fresh as ever.
Tickets for buses and trains are sold but there are no barriers. You are MEANT to buy them. They just conduct regular checks to make sure you buy them. otherwise, people are so honest.
The people are so polite too. They don't exactly smile at you like they've known you for centuries. They acknowledge you without creeping you out.
The roads and buildings are really really clean too. Great place to be
Oh, the weather. Oh.. yesh. great weather.
This is the type of city you'd imagine in your dreams. well, I guess if you wanna live there comfortably, my advice, LEARN GERMAN! :D
Auf Wiederschien :)
New design
My blog needs a new look... HAHAHA anymore ideas? I changed the design
but I'll take my time to improve it ^_^
but I'll take my time to improve it ^_^
Friday, May 14, 2010
BLOGGGGGGG
WHOA... Exams really pulled me away from blogging. hehehe... well, all my wonderful fantastic ideas were lost to the notorious tests. hhaiz...
Anyway, this blog needs a MAJOR makeover. HAHAHA... but I'm so lazy xD well, eventually will get it ;)
hehehe... now.... BLOGGGGGGINGGGGG hahaha
Anyway, this blog needs a MAJOR makeover. HAHAHA... but I'm so lazy xD well, eventually will get it ;)
hehehe... now.... BLOGGGGGGINGGGGG hahaha
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Unforgettable
A lingering thought in my mind that was to be erased but could never be gone.
I still wonder to myself. How could you be so mean?
I trusted you. I helped you. I let you in. But I guess, I was a fool for believing our friendship was real.
Do you know how deep that "stab" was? Did you know I was ready to forgive and forget? Did you know that despite that betrayal, i was willing to start afresh?
I bet you refused to believe because through your eyes, I am merely a selfish, manipulative, horrible person. My thoughts are a mess. Be nice to people and get treated like this. What in the world is wrong? And so, you went on denying and thrusted that stab wound deeper in and just left it there. That knife was taken out myself but every wound leaves a scar. I begin to doubt everything and paranoia sets in. Was it just you or everyone too?
Now, it's just at a standstill. A stalemate in a chess game you initiated that I never wanted.
I've been told to ignore and forget. However, this must NEVER be forgotten. It is a valuable lesson and reminder to always keep my guard up. It will always linger in a corner of my mind and be there to tell me of just how ruthless people can be.
You seem to be a lost case. You refuse to open your eyes and see. But when I think of everyone else, my heart is put to ease. It was only you. Then I remember my other friends who have been true and honest with me. Who are always there when I need them. Whom I will never hurt and hope in turn won't hurt me. Who I can trust and know that they can trust me.
I still wonder to myself. How could you be so mean?
I trusted you. I helped you. I let you in. But I guess, I was a fool for believing our friendship was real.
Do you know how deep that "stab" was? Did you know I was ready to forgive and forget? Did you know that despite that betrayal, i was willing to start afresh?
I bet you refused to believe because through your eyes, I am merely a selfish, manipulative, horrible person. My thoughts are a mess. Be nice to people and get treated like this. What in the world is wrong? And so, you went on denying and thrusted that stab wound deeper in and just left it there. That knife was taken out myself but every wound leaves a scar. I begin to doubt everything and paranoia sets in. Was it just you or everyone too?
Now, it's just at a standstill. A stalemate in a chess game you initiated that I never wanted.
I've been told to ignore and forget. However, this must NEVER be forgotten. It is a valuable lesson and reminder to always keep my guard up. It will always linger in a corner of my mind and be there to tell me of just how ruthless people can be.
You seem to be a lost case. You refuse to open your eyes and see. But when I think of everyone else, my heart is put to ease. It was only you. Then I remember my other friends who have been true and honest with me. Who are always there when I need them. Whom I will never hurt and hope in turn won't hurt me. Who I can trust and know that they can trust me.
I hope all of you know that I truly appreciate our friendship and pray it will last :)
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Quote-ish
"Mercy Ain't Shown Where Mercy Ain't Wanted"
~Ann KH
This popped into my head. and then it was typed on facebook against someone. haaha.. that someone, you know who you are and i don't wish to further "hurt" your konnonya "wounds" so your name is unmentioned XD
After typing it, I realised, wow... that sounded SO quote-ish. hahah! So, this is my first OFFICIAL quote that seems "pro". hehehe.... my previous ones are different and may appear on this blog someday in the future ;)
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